Pure Exhaustion

I guess I forgot exactly how tired pregnancy makes you.  Here I was the past couple weeks thinking, "oh, this isn't as bad as I remember!"  I forgot that is didn't set in till around 6/7 weeks last time and I'm about 6 weeks now, so it's only natural to feel like I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open.  I know it will pass, but I'll be lucky if I remember the 5th six weeks of school!  I just remember saying to my teammates last time around that I would never do this again!  Yet here I am, doing it again, and it's not our baby!  Crazy how God works!  At least I am not nauseated anymore like I was for a couple weeks in the evenings.  I wasn't ever sick with Caden, so hopefully I'll be lucky again.

I do have to admit that I'm feeling anxious.  I'm ready to have the sonogram to see/hear the baby's heartbeat and make sure all is well.  I know it is all in God's hands and I'll have to leave it there.  I spend so much time praying over this baby, knowing how long his or her parents have waited for him/her.  I guess I am worried that somehow it will be my fault if there is a problem and the thought of having to go through a miscarriage terrifies me.  My husband keeps telling me not to even think that way, I know he's right.  I should take the exhaustion as a positive sign, knowing that all my energy is going somewhere for a reason!  That and the fact that I'm starting to have difficulty buttoning my jeans!  I'm not sure that it's necessarily from my uterus expanding since my hips are a little swollen from all the injections.  I'd like to think it's more in my tummy though--I feel like I look like I ate too many cookies.  Those who know me keep trying to tell me that it's all in my head.  Maybe I should listen, but they aren't the ones putting a rubber band around there jeans' buttons to keep them zipped!

Just one more week till that sonogram and I think I'll be able to breathe easier!  I keep having dreams/thoughts that the egg split and that there are 2 little babies swimming around in there.  I know that is highly unlikely, and somewhat undesirable for me, but what a blessing it would be to the intended parents.  No matter what, it is all in God's hands and I will trust in Him.  That's all I can do, right?