No Answers

Well, the doctor's office called and they told me there wasn't enough tissue growth to complete chromosomal testing. So no answers as to why we never met this baby. I'm honored that I was able to nurture that sweet baby for the 6 weeks I carried him or her.

A Little Angel

Well, I had my 1st regular doctor's appointment yesterday and they were unable to find a heartbeat. The fetus was also too small for 9 weeks.

I had a D&C procedure today. The fetus measured 6 weeks, 6 days. Just three short days after our original sonogram. The procedure went fine and I am not in any physical pain. The sadness in my heart is almost crippling though. My heart hurts for the intended parents.

I'm hoping to try again in late May or June. We will see what they want to do. I can only imagine how hard this is when it is your own child. This baby may not have been mine but I did love this baby and wanted things to work for the parents. I'm heartbroken.

Sonogram Day, Part 2

All is wonderful! The doctor said that things didn't look good, but excellent! The heartbeat was at 143 and the baby is measuring ahead of what we actually are. I'm officially 6 weeks pregnant. The sonogram measurements showed us at 6 weeks and 3 days. This is one strong baby! I teared up seeing the little heartbeat on the screen. God is so good. We are so amazingly blessed to be a part of this journey.

Sonogram Day!

Well, today is sonogram day and I'm in the car with John driving me. My heart is beating out of my chest. I'm nervous and I know I shouldn't be. I know this is a blessing from God and all will be well. For many reasons lately, the song "It Is Well With My Soul" has been on my heart. I guess I'm just anxious for confirmation. You'd think the exhaustion, nausea and emotional roller coaster I'm on would be confirmation enough. This pregnancy is already very different then mine with Caden. I had zero symptoms and I remember the same exact feelings of anxiousness. Again, it is well with my soul!

Pure Exhaustion

I guess I forgot exactly how tired pregnancy makes you.  Here I was the past couple weeks thinking, "oh, this isn't as bad as I remember!"  I forgot that is didn't set in till around 6/7 weeks last time and I'm about 6 weeks now, so it's only natural to feel like I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open.  I know it will pass, but I'll be lucky if I remember the 5th six weeks of school!  I just remember saying to my teammates last time around that I would never do this again!  Yet here I am, doing it again, and it's not our baby!  Crazy how God works!  At least I am not nauseated anymore like I was for a couple weeks in the evenings.  I wasn't ever sick with Caden, so hopefully I'll be lucky again.

I do have to admit that I'm feeling anxious.  I'm ready to have the sonogram to see/hear the baby's heartbeat and make sure all is well.  I know it is all in God's hands and I'll have to leave it there.  I spend so much time praying over this baby, knowing how long his or her parents have waited for him/her.  I guess I am worried that somehow it will be my fault if there is a problem and the thought of having to go through a miscarriage terrifies me.  My husband keeps telling me not to even think that way, I know he's right.  I should take the exhaustion as a positive sign, knowing that all my energy is going somewhere for a reason!  That and the fact that I'm starting to have difficulty buttoning my jeans!  I'm not sure that it's necessarily from my uterus expanding since my hips are a little swollen from all the injections.  I'd like to think it's more in my tummy though--I feel like I look like I ate too many cookies.  Those who know me keep trying to tell me that it's all in my head.  Maybe I should listen, but they aren't the ones putting a rubber band around there jeans' buttons to keep them zipped!

Just one more week till that sonogram and I think I'll be able to breathe easier!  I keep having dreams/thoughts that the egg split and that there are 2 little babies swimming around in there.  I know that is highly unlikely, and somewhat undesirable for me, but what a blessing it would be to the intended parents.  No matter what, it is all in God's hands and I will trust in Him.  That's all I can do, right?

Our Beta Levels

Well, everything is looking good. My first beta level was 94 and they wanted a number between 50 and 100. My second beta that we did 2 days later was also great. It was 286 and they wanted over 200.

I'm enjoying things so far. I have very minor symptoms but definitely have that full/heavy feeling that helps me know that everything is okay. My pants are already getting a little more snug. I've heard from tons of people that it's common to show earlier. I'm very anxious to hear the baby's heartbeat. The sonogram is scheduled for March 5th.

We Are Pregnant!

Well, the journey for me began in September when we met the intended parents. Our journey to this point was a long, winding one. We first started the process thinking that the transfer would happen in December. My body didn't cooperate. My uterine lining would not get thick enough. We seem to think it had to do with having the IUD in for a year. We let my body reset itself and began the process again. This time things went smoothly. The transfer was schedule for Thursday, February 2, 2012. The embryologist came in and said they wanted to transfer 3 embryos. I nearly fell off the bed. Thankfully, the doctor came in and said he'd rather wait till day 5 and see how the embryos looked then. We went home disappointed that nothing happened that day. We went back on Saturday, February 4th and were told only 1 embryo was suitable for transfer and it was a grade c. The mood was slightly somber and I remember just praying to God that this little baby made it for his or her intended parents. The transfer was painless and no more intrusive than an annual exam. It went great and I went home and laid in bed--I must admit that I enjoyed a day of bed rest!

I became so anxious, waiting for today to come when the blood work would reveal whether or not the embryo made it. I had little hints that made me feel pregnant--the typical things. I gave in and cheated and took a home pregnancy test on Friday and Sunday. Both showed positive results. Today was my blood work and my beta level is at a 94 and it is official, I am pregnant! Now we just wait for the sonogram in the first week of March! We are so excited!