Pure Exhaustion

I guess I forgot exactly how tired pregnancy makes you.  Here I was the past couple weeks thinking, "oh, this isn't as bad as I remember!"  I forgot that is didn't set in till around 6/7 weeks last time and I'm about 6 weeks now, so it's only natural to feel like I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open.  I know it will pass, but I'll be lucky if I remember the 5th six weeks of school!  I just remember saying to my teammates last time around that I would never do this again!  Yet here I am, doing it again, and it's not our baby!  Crazy how God works!  At least I am not nauseated anymore like I was for a couple weeks in the evenings.  I wasn't ever sick with Caden, so hopefully I'll be lucky again.

I do have to admit that I'm feeling anxious.  I'm ready to have the sonogram to see/hear the baby's heartbeat and make sure all is well.  I know it is all in God's hands and I'll have to leave it there.  I spend so much time praying over this baby, knowing how long his or her parents have waited for him/her.  I guess I am worried that somehow it will be my fault if there is a problem and the thought of having to go through a miscarriage terrifies me.  My husband keeps telling me not to even think that way, I know he's right.  I should take the exhaustion as a positive sign, knowing that all my energy is going somewhere for a reason!  That and the fact that I'm starting to have difficulty buttoning my jeans!  I'm not sure that it's necessarily from my uterus expanding since my hips are a little swollen from all the injections.  I'd like to think it's more in my tummy though--I feel like I look like I ate too many cookies.  Those who know me keep trying to tell me that it's all in my head.  Maybe I should listen, but they aren't the ones putting a rubber band around there jeans' buttons to keep them zipped!

Just one more week till that sonogram and I think I'll be able to breathe easier!  I keep having dreams/thoughts that the egg split and that there are 2 little babies swimming around in there.  I know that is highly unlikely, and somewhat undesirable for me, but what a blessing it would be to the intended parents.  No matter what, it is all in God's hands and I will trust in Him.  That's all I can do, right?

Our Beta Levels

Well, everything is looking good. My first beta level was 94 and they wanted a number between 50 and 100. My second beta that we did 2 days later was also great. It was 286 and they wanted over 200.

I'm enjoying things so far. I have very minor symptoms but definitely have that full/heavy feeling that helps me know that everything is okay. My pants are already getting a little more snug. I've heard from tons of people that it's common to show earlier. I'm very anxious to hear the baby's heartbeat. The sonogram is scheduled for March 5th.

We Are Pregnant!

Well, the journey for me began in September when we met the intended parents. Our journey to this point was a long, winding one. We first started the process thinking that the transfer would happen in December. My body didn't cooperate. My uterine lining would not get thick enough. We seem to think it had to do with having the IUD in for a year. We let my body reset itself and began the process again. This time things went smoothly. The transfer was schedule for Thursday, February 2, 2012. The embryologist came in and said they wanted to transfer 3 embryos. I nearly fell off the bed. Thankfully, the doctor came in and said he'd rather wait till day 5 and see how the embryos looked then. We went home disappointed that nothing happened that day. We went back on Saturday, February 4th and were told only 1 embryo was suitable for transfer and it was a grade c. The mood was slightly somber and I remember just praying to God that this little baby made it for his or her intended parents. The transfer was painless and no more intrusive than an annual exam. It went great and I went home and laid in bed--I must admit that I enjoyed a day of bed rest!

I became so anxious, waiting for today to come when the blood work would reveal whether or not the embryo made it. I had little hints that made me feel pregnant--the typical things. I gave in and cheated and took a home pregnancy test on Friday and Sunday. Both showed positive results. Today was my blood work and my beta level is at a 94 and it is official, I am pregnant! Now we just wait for the sonogram in the first week of March! We are so excited!

Where It All Began

A lot of people ask me why I'm doing this or say that I'm a very generous person. I don't feel exceptionally generous, I just feel like I was called to do this. It's just in me. The idea was put in my head when my sister had a scare. The doctors found a mass on one of her ovaries. They removed the mass and the ovary. Thankfully it was just a result of endometriosis and nothing more ominous. I decided then that if my sister ever had difficulty conceiving or carrying a child that I would do ANYTHING to help her. Time came and went and I met and married my husband and shortly after we had our precious baby boy. As some might say, we looked at each other and got pregnant! In the course of the years I've met many people who've adopted children or tried to adopt. I've seen the frustration and heartache that comes with that. Please don't misunderstand--I know my friends who adopted are very happy now. I think adoption is wonderful and amazing and I'd love to adopt a child one day. From these experiences I felt my heart being pulled more and more to wanting to help a couple have a baby of their own. I contacted the nicest woman who independently sets up couples and gestational carriers. It is very much a faith-run organization and a whole lot of praying goes into the process. It wasn't long before I was supposed to meet a couple. To everyone's surprise, the woman became pregnant and will be having a baby soon now. How amazing! Then I got the call that another couple wanted to meet. It was a whirlwind, we met and all knew that this was it. That's how our journey started.I get asked these same questions all the time:

-Will the baby be biologically yours? Nope. Everything for our process is from the intended parents. Sometimes intended mothers will use donor eggs or sperm though.

-Won't you feel sad after you give the baby to the intended parents? I'm sure there will be some sadness after carrying the baby for 9 months. But this is not my baby. I try to keep my eyes fixed on the wash of joy they will have finally holding their sweet new baby.

-Do you get paid to do this? Yes. There is a child support amount involved and the intended parents pay all medical bills.